On Love

I am and have always been an instigator. I provoke people by picking at their weaknesses and wrestling my point in situations where even I know that what I’m saying is total biased bullshit. My life tends to be a constant search for self proclaimed perfection. Whether its  music, art, food, friends - I can’t settle for less than I consecrate. One small flaw in your personality, your behavior, the way you speak,  it’s all over. I’ll try to change you, impose my beliefs. I’ll ridicule you and your values till you accept mine or watch you leave. Yet here I am at the rancid Warsaw Central, waiting for her to arrive, on the 23:55 from Berlin. The flat is immaculate, dinner’s ready,  and the bathroom is spotless.

 I can’t get a grip on what it is about the 5’7 German girl, who  can’t roll her R’s properly, that has me cutting my fingernails instead of biting them, buying free-range chicken eggs instead of the cheap ones and searching for a ‘real’ job?

We go about our lives doing whatever the fuck it is we do, and sometimes we find our other half and sometimes we don’t. Sadly, I think in most cases, we don’t. Desperation, insecurity and circumstance force us to settle. You can argue what you will. This is just one opinion.

   With intimacy there are two types of relationships. The people who love and people who make it work. Weaklings make it work. They cover their shortcomings with excuses like “It was the right thing to do” or “It was now or never “.  When I applied the excuse “It was the right thing to do” I ended up in my pajamas, in the snow,  at 3 am in February, running for my life. One could live to be a hundred and never fight or argue. What you won’t be able to ignore though, is a constant dull ache which you’ll try to numb with various telecommunication devices, eyewear at a price that could feed a starving village, and IKEA. Haven’t you noticed that quite often, unhappy people tend to have the coolest shit?

Love changes people. It brings out the best qualities. It makes ugly people beautiful. I’ve never seen ugly people in love. What I’m trying to say is, even ugly people when truly in love deploy beauty. Remember seeing that obese couple in the food court, splitting a bucket of KFC? They were  shoveling fists of French fries in their mouths, totally focused on each other and their score, not giving a fuck what others around them think? If you didn’t find that to be the least sweet, then you’ve never known what love is.

Acceptance.

So, now you’re probably asking. What do you define as acceptance and what do you define as settling? According to the Gospel of St Luke verse 17……Haaaaa….gotcha!! Honestly, I have no clue. All I know is that  deep down inside, somewhere between the brain and the heart  we all  have a bullshit detector that we either acknowledge or ignore. It tells us if something’s real or if we’re  kidding ourselves. So take a look at yourself, take a look at that man or woman next to you and try to make a decision, because although life may seem to suck sometimes. It’s always better when it sucks while your being true to yourself.